I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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