I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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