ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
