My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
