There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
