I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
