I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
