After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
