At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
