don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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