aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
