I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
