Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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