and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
