Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
