So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
