I love black thongs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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