I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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