I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
