smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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