someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
