after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
