people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
