I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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