You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
