if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
