someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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