so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
