absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
