i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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