i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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