If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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