I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
