Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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