I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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