we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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