whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
