omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
