i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
