He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
