I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
