I feel like abortions should bother me more
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
