Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The air taste purple.
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