oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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