why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize