My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
