Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm both gender and math confused
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
