I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
