I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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