Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
